I wish I had news, but Sunley is just not getting better. I'm as prepared as I can be for whatever news we get at her appointment in Houston in 2 weeks. I'm also trying to get out of survival mode and start making this our new normal.

I'm trying to be a little more productive each day, and find our new groove. I have to reset my mind so much throughout the day, and redress myself with the armor of God over and over and over. Knowing we may be getting another curveball soon is quite heavy, and the waiting is always the hardest part.

Yesterday, I decided to load up all 4 kids and our oxygen equipment and go to Target, just to prove to myself that it could be done. I've been missing so much the everyday outings we used to take, and a grocery trip with a cart full of kids sounded so nostalgic. I had a very low bar for success, and we just took our time. We parked right next to the cart return so that I could wipe it down and fill it up with our equipment without having to drag it all in. We very slowly made it from the car to the cart, and stopped at every aisle the kids wanted to check out. It was a long, unrushed grocery store trip and it was perfect. The kids wanted to do the self-checkout, and so once again we took our time letting each kid have a turn while Davis drank a bottle. Toward the end, Davis started crying, but still we took our time and big sisters played peek a boo with baby to pass the time.

A woman at the station next to ours made a point to ask me how I wasn't falling apart. Four kids is no easy task in target, and I'm sure she noticed the oxygen and equipment on Sunley. I just told her, "I am falling apart, but Jesus is filling in the gaps." And I say none of that to boast, but just to share that it's possible to be completely falling apart and completely okay simultaneously. I don't have to be "on" because I've given Jesus the heavier portions of the load we're carrying. And I've once again stripped away all of the extra in my life. I've un-volunteered for things, accepted help (babysitting, meals, etc) from all of our angels, and leaned even further into prayer. I am so far past empty that I have no choice but to fall on Jesus. And that's a pretty fulfilling feeling.

So many have asked how to help, and I'm happy to tell you that I've been working for a few years on an idea for a fundraiser for Sunley's hospital. I'll have all the details worked out soon, and I can't wait to share it with everyone. This idea has been brewing for quite a while, and I can't wait to put it all into action. We are so blessed to have such an incredible support system here and around the country (and even in a few other countries). Thank you all for the prayers, and please do not stop praying.

I'm not ready to give up on praying for a non-surgical option for Sunley. I do NOT want her to go through yet another open heart surgery right now. I know that day will come, but I'm praying it's not that time for us.